Recently, I had a very tense conversation with a direct report of mine.  He seemed very shut down, defiant almost.  I decided to ask him straight out if he trusted me and what I was saying.  Though he seemed a bit taken back by my question, he answered honestly, “No.”  When I probed a little deeper, he said that even though I say I’m open to his feedback, I’m really not.  I really think I am!  Now what?  
~ James R. 

Dear James,

I can only imagine how frustrating that was for you.  Like it or not, sometimes there is a disconnect between what we say and what we think.  And when there is a disconnect between what we say and what we think, what we think always wins out!

That’s because body language and tone of voice outweigh the words we use almost 2 to 1.  So if the leader is thinking one thing (“My way is the best way”) but they are saying “I’d like to hear what you would do” the team member is going to hear loud and clear “My way is the best way.”

And here’s the really interesting part, body language and tone of voice are mostly unconscious.  We may consciously choose our words but when it comes to our body and our voice, those give us away Every. Single. Time.

So now it’s time to ask the hard question?  Are you being congruent?  Are you conveying what you really feel about this team member’s feedback?

If you think this team member isn’t thinking something through or that they don’t see the whole picture, no matter how open you think you are, your true feelings get conveyed.

That is why many team members report that they are reluctant to go to their leader with anything…ideas, problems, concerns, questions, etc.  And why many leaders can’t get the information, input and cooperation they need from their team.

~ The DISC Wizard 

If you have a question you’d like answered by The DISC Wizard, send me an email.