Depending on your personal style and experience, you may go one of three directions when handling difficult conversations.
On one side of the spectrum we have silence, on the other side violence, and when we strike a balance between the two, we have dialogue.
Take the “Style Under Stress”assessment below (from the authors of Crucial Conversations) to find out what motivates you more.
Simply circle all the statements that are MOST true for you.
1. When it comes to dealing with awkward or stressful subjects, sometimes I hold back rather than give my full and candid opinion. (A)
2. After I share strong opinions, I go out of my way to invite others to share their views, particularly opposing ones. (B)
3. If I seem to be losing control of a conversation, I might cut people off or change the subject in order to bring it back to where I think it should be. (C)
4. When I’ve got something tough to bring up, sometimes I offer weak or insincere compliments to soften the blow. (A)
5. When I’ve got something to say that others might not want to hear, I avoid starting out with tough conclusions, and instead start with facts that help them understand where I’m coming from. (B)
6. Sometimes when things get a bit heated I move from arguing against others’ points to saying things that might hurt them personally. (C)
7. Rather than tell people exactly what I think, sometimes I rely on jokes, sarcasm, or snide remarks to let them know I’m frustrated. (A)
8. When conversations aren’t working, I step back from the fray, think about what’s happening, and take steps to make it better. (B)
9. I sometimes make absolute statements like “The fact is…” or “It’s obvious that…” to be sure my point gets across. (C)
10. At times I avoid situations that might bring me into contact with people I’m having problems with. (A)
11. If others hesitate to share their views, I sincerely invite them to say what’s on their mind, no matter what it is. (B)
12. There are some people I’m rough on because, to be honest, they need or deserve what I give them. (C)
SCORING:
Looking back over your answers, what color did you circle the most? Your Style Under Stress™ score indicates how likely you are to move toward silence or violence during crucial conversations. (The Style Under Stress Test is from the book “Crucial Conversations – Tools for Talking When The Stakes Are High” by Kerry Patterson)
Mostly A’s: You tend to go towards silence.
You may be a High S or C behavioral style, maybe even a High I. But what is certain is that you don’t like conflict. You will avoid people or certain situations if there is likely to be a confrontation. You may couch your real feelings through sarcasm or disapproving body language. The problem is people don’t know what you’re really thinking so there’s little hope that things will change for the better.
C’s: You tend to go towards violence.
You are probably a High D or possibly an I. You control the conversation and are convinced you’re right. You speak your mind and have convinced yourself it’s a good thing. The problem is the people who disagree with you will never tell you. So your opinion gets disregarded or disrespected anyway. And if you’re the boss, watch for these signs of disagreement: lack of commitment, lack of accountability and lack of results!
Mostly B’s: You tend to go towards dialogue.
Where did you get your great conversational skills from? It seems you know how to think before you speak, consider the other person’s perspective, keep your opinions in check and truly value the best solution over being right. Well done!
~The DISC Wizard
